I could still vividly remember how I used to look and feel ten years ago. I never went to the gym because my salary couldn’t afford it; and I’ve thought of other ways to keep me fit and healthy. I would buy workout CDs and follow them whenever I had the time. I was very disciplined when it comes to diet (the no rice diet); and I would dance for hours and sweat like crazy.
Fast forward to ten years after, I felt really old and rusty. I’ve gained more than ten kilos, I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and I’m frequently breaking out because of it, my cholesterol and uric acid levels are on top of the charts, and my energy level is always low. If there’s one thing I’m thankful for, it’s that I still don’t have much wrinkles on my face – maybe because my skin tends to be on the (very) oily side.
All of a sudden, it felt like I was not normal and I got really depressed about it. Sometimes I would encounter insensitive people who would comment about my flaws which made me hit rock bottom. I just took everything in; I never really told anyone about my frustrations in life and how devastated I was with myself. I don’t want them to look down on me or pity me. Seriously, I was in pain but I continued to act normal in front of everyone. To top it off, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me via text. Even if I was going through something, I made it a point to be supportive to him. He never even bothered to ask me how I was feeling and instead decided to shoot me down with a cold break up text (so impersonal, I know) after I decided to text him up and confront him about the petty fight we had just a week back.
I was swimming in a whirlpool of emotions and depression caught up with me like fire. I was never in the mood for anything; I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep all-day-looong. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or even do the things that normally excites me. I was sulking over the things that were wrong in my life. For a while, I had let my emotions get the best of me; I made my emotions run my life like a puppet. I would pray really hard to help me surpass all the bad things that happened to me. Slowly, I aimed to make progress until I realized that I no longer feel depressed or sad. I would like to share a few things that helped me cope:
I used to deny that something was wrong with me. I would always pretend that everything was ok even though I know that there was a problem. I realized, I was wrong. No more denying, no more delaying, I started to accept the information and listed down the things I thought I should address.
We all have our ways of coping whenever we have problems or when we are faced with hardships. With me, I confided with my closest and most trusted friends. Since I cannot force myself to cry about my frustrations, I just talked to the people I call my ‘support system’ because I had to let it out or else I would explode. No judgements, they listened intently, gave a few words of wisdom, and offered help whenever they can. Unloading my deep-seated feelings made me feel a whole lot better.
Determined to turn my life around, I started to address my problems one by one. It was never easy; it wasn’t a walk in the park but I would always condition my mind to move forward. Whenever I feel like giving up, I would make a mental image of my dream board and visualize myself achieving them all.
PCOS, being the main reason for my constant breakouts and weight gain, I made it a point to regularly schedule appointments with my Gynecologist for monitoring. I enrolled myself to a gym and got me a trainer to help me discipline myself to lose weight. I also sought help from a weight loss clinic to help me boost my metabolism; and they offered me a free meal plan which their in-house nutritionist made tailor-fit for me. I’ve been trying to address my breakouts for months now. I sought help from three different dermatologists just to rid me of pimples.
With the help and support of my family and close friends, I pushed myself to be consistent; and for months now, I’ve seen some progress with how I look and feel. I’ve lost a few pounds after a few months. Progress is a bit slow but I think it has something to do with my PCOS. I have more energy to do my work and I don’t get easily tired like I used to. So far, I’m still having a few pimples every now and then but my face is a lot better than it used to.
Explore and Learn
I’m not the type of person who loves adventures or doing extreme things. I’ve been comfortable just doing mundane things. Slowly, I tried to open myself to other possibilities. I tried to do things I was afraid to do – thinking that we only live once and it’s better to try things than regret not doing them in the future. I’m still mustering up the courage to wall climb though. I’ve been taking some time to improve myself by enrolling in interesting classes or attending programs or seminars, and interacting with people.
To avoid feeling lonely or depressed, I always make it a point to keep myself busy. Whenever I’m not working, I see to it that I use my time wisely by doing the things I enjoy doing like reading a book, making sketches, working on my mini projects, writing a blog, watching a movie, reading self help books to improve myself, playing with my dogs, and catching up with my friends or dating my mom. I veer away from ideas of self pity or looking down on myself.
When I feel like my emotions are going south, I take a break and get a nice long massage. I listen to a meditation app and just take a few minutes everyday to calm my mind and meditate; I pamper myself and give myself time to recharge.
My road to wellness and happiness is a long journey; it’s tedious and a bit expensive. There are moments when I feel like giving up and can’t do them anymore but I always tell myself that I’m doing those things for me and my well being. After all, who would love me more than me?
I hope you guy enjoyed reading my blog. Feel free to share your thoughts on self care and share your stories about personal wellness and your road to personal happiness. I would love to hear from you.
Disclaimer: No part of this blog is sponsored or affiliated with any products or brands mentioned. Words are all thoughts, ideas, and opinion of the author.